Has it happened to you that in the middle of a meeting or party the group decides to start telling jokes and you go blank without remembering any? Well, don’t worry, because this time we bring some examples of short jokes, with which you will be very well standing in front of your friends.
As always, the jokes of drunkenness are very quoted, more in party environments, so here we leave one for you to tell in your meetings:
The husband comes to bed, staggering, totally drunk, lies down and says to his wife:
-I can’t believe what just happened to me. I went to the bathroom, and when I opened the door the light came on
-You pissed in the fridge again, Ricardo
Marriage and infident jokes
Without encouragement to support infidelities or sexist attitudes, we also present some jokes about womanizing men, which you can count among your friends. However, we tell you that if you are a man, you better share it with your friends, because surely very few girls take it with humor. If you’re a woman, you’re sure to overlook it without including it in your repertoire of jokes. Here’s an example of this:
A very elegant, suited guy walks into a restaurant, in the company of a stunning woman, sits at the table and the waiter comes over to take the order:
-What can I offer the lords?
To which man responds:
-Please put me the biggest lobster You have in this restaurant, and the most expensive champagne you have in your cellar.
The waiter points, and tells him and his lady what I put
-Give him a fax and tell him I’m having a blast.
In the same sense, we get other jokes of infidelities, but this time related to those committed by women:
A man of Chinese nationality, waits in anguish in a hospital room, waiting for his wife to give birth. That’s where the doctor comes out and says:
-They were quintuplets
To which the very proud man replies:
-It’s just that I have a super cannon
And the doctor replies:
-Well, you should clean it up because all five were born quite dark.
And we have more jokes about infiels and marriages, like this:
A very disgruntled man arrives at a lawyer’s office and says:
Doctor, excuse me, I need you to divorce my wife
And the lawyer asks:
-For what reason?
-Because he treats me like a dog
Then the confused lawyer continues:
-What do you do to him? He hits him, tie him up?
And the indignant man responds:
-No, he wants me to be faithful to him… imagine you.
In the same vein of unhappy marriages and the tiredness it can produce to those involved, we bring this joke a little cruel, so you can tell it in the office or in the club:
A husband comes to the house and sees his wife in the kitchen and asks:
-What would you do if I told you I won the lottery?
To which the wife replies:
-Well, I’d ask you for a divorce, take half the prize away from you and go to my mom.’
And the surprised husband says:
And the confident woman says:
Then the husband shows him a winning ticket, and tells him:
-Well, i’ve had ten bucks, take five and ask for a taxi
We can also find absurd jokes, with which we can place our friends to laugh for a while, such as the following:
A man arrives at a sawmill and says:
-Good afternoon, I’m looking for work as a tree cutter
The host replied:
-Are you experienced?
And the man says:
-Of course, I’ve been cutting trees in the Sahara desert for twenty years
The slightly confused manager responds:
-But if there are no trees there
And very proud the man says:
-Do you see how good and efficient I am?
There are also jokes about diets and weight, which almost always amuse us on weekends, during which time almost all of us promise to start on Monday to diet. Here we have one of them:
A couple finds theplace of watching television, when suddenly the wife tells the husband:
-My love, I’ve started dieting
And the husband replies a little surprised:
-Seriously, my love? That’s nice! And how much have you lost?
And the woman replies:
Jokes about the facebook
There are also jokes about electronic media and its influence on our lives. For example this:
The husband arrives at the house and the woman says:
-My love, today I have burned two thousand calories in twenty minutes
And the surprised husband asks:
-Seriously? And how did you do that?
And the woman replies:
-Well, I made a pizza, put it in the oven and went to hook up on The Facebook for only five minutes.
Image source: leagueoflegends.com
August 28, 2019